Hey, where's your coverage from the 2012 V-103 Car and Bike Show?

Well, glad you asked. This year, I wasn't feeling it. I went, but I honestly wasn't thrilled like how I am with other car shows. (Note: With car shows, I'm like a little kid on Christmas day.) It was all wrong.

I guess they thought it was cool to leave it on the hitch.

First up, there's only two radio stations in Atlanta that plays Rap and R&B music, and V-103 chose to have their car show the same exact day as the competition's Birthday Bash Concert. Splitting that demographic wasn't smart because naturally people was going to go to Birthday Bash and partake in the events leading up to it- including the guys who had better cars that was featured in the show. Guys know how girls in Atlanta are, and most girls (not women) are attracted to shiny things, regardless if it's real or not. So of course, they would rather drive around and see how many girls they can pull.

Because of the first comment, there were more bikes than cars there. And the cars that were there, were mostly wheel and tire customizations. That's okay for a Bugatti, but for a Dodge Charger??? Bernie doesn't like wheel and tire shows, if that's the case, I would go to a car dealership.

Three, some of the cars there shouldn't have been there. Like this Dodge Magnum with the crappy matte black paint job. I have never painted cars. I've only painted my condo, and powder coated a wheel at SEMA, but I'm smart enough to know that paint jobs should be done even. I didn't photoshop anything in this photo, that's how uneven the car was painted. AND it looks like it took them five minutes to paint it.

Four: the reason why I liked this particular show in previous years is that the radio personalities put their cars in the show. The only personality from V-103 that put anything in the show was Greg Street. No Frank and Wanda and No Ryan Cameron. Major no no.

Five: Because they scheduled the show the same day as Birthday Bash, naturally the performers were going to go to Birthday Bash and perform for a larger crowd and get more money. Duh, I know I would have if I had any musical abilities. The car and bike show has pulled big names to perform- Rick Ross has been the headliner, so has TI. This year it was R Kelly, what song has he had since I moved to Atlanta? Step in the Name of Love was good, but it wasn't that good. What I'm saying is that they needed to go back to what worked in the past. Even Fat Joe pulled a bigger crowd and we're not on Trinity Ave in the Bronx.

SIX: WHY WASN'T  BABY'S, BIRDMAN'S, BRYAN WILLIAMS' BUGATTI and MAYBACH ROPED OFF FROM THE VERY START??? I know he can afford those cars, but don't allow kids with sticky hands and women with mile long nails to touch the cars. Auto Extremes had it correct from the beginning by roping off T-Pain's Bugatti. Duh, that's common sense. Halfway through the show, they decided to rope off both cars, but that should have been done before the doors opened to the public.

Seven: They did a last minute pull in, where if you wanted to be a part of the show, you could have arrived between 8am- 11am. But they didn't tell everyone that, so cars like this...

... couldn't be a part of it or they had to park outside, because they didn't tell anyone. And yes, they drove from Florida to be a part of the show.

Granted they still have a huge turnout. Girls bought out Rainbow, 5-7-9, Rave, Dots, Citi Trends and all the other $10 or less clothing stores in Atlanta to make sure they were seen.

Next year, I'm showing up when they're pulling the cars in, because I'm not going to be caught dead with the crowd that was there. And that's why I only showed off the photos on this page and not on my gallery because this show wasn't my best work. As a published photographer in print media that's sold worldwide, I'm big enough to admit that.

Always glad to run into Block and his donkasaurus... but I know there's a lot of guys who are ready to battle Block on the donk game.

Yaaay!!! LA Cops Seizes Will.I.Am's Ugly DeLorean

For the first time EVER, Los Angeles Police Department have done something right. Earlier this year, Will.I.Am had the stupid idea to start an automotive company that produces ugly vehicles like the one pictured above. Anyone with vision can see that this is one ugly car.

So a few days ago, Will.I.Am is driving around LA and he gets stopped. Cop asked for license and registration, and he could only produce one out of two of those items. It turns out that he couldn't provide plates, registration, or even a VIN for the car. Ipso facto, it was extremely illegal to drive. AND... authorities did a little research and found out the parts on the custom car haven't been registered for about 10 years. If LAPD is smart, they would drop it off at a chop shop and keep it moving. But LA doesn't have a mafia presence (only gangs), so there goes that idea.

P.S. Hey LAPD, could you be nice and give him back the Beats by Dre speakers? That's the only great thing about the car.

Tragic Customization: Snooki’s Cadillac Escalade EXT

I admit, I watch the Jersey Shore. It reminds me of half of Long Island- which happens to be one of the Guido Capitals, right behind certain parts of Jersey and Staten Island.

Without a doubt, the break-out star of the show happens to be a 4’9” girl from update New York (Fact: anything north of Westchester County is considered Upstate New York.) named Nicole Polizzi, better known as Snooki. On the Jersey Shore Show, the cast gets a house, a job, and two Escalades to drive around in. I guess Snooki was used to the Escalades, so she decides to unload her BMW and purchase an Escalade EXT, and gets it customized.

And this is where the story goes downhill….

Now, there’s a stereotype about New Jersey women, and a few women from New York (not me), and the Wendy Williams Show, Jersey Shore, Jerseylicious, and the Real Housewives of New Jersey basically confirm the stereotype. They like a lot of pink and animal print. When you customize a car, it’s an extension of one’s personality- and sadly, you can't deny that this Escalade belongs to Snooki. Here’s the photos…

These photos were shot in Jersey City, New Jersey where Snooki and her castmate- J-Woww (who's from Long Island) are filming their spinoff show. You were looking at a newest modeled Cadillac Escalade EXT- painted a matte black with hot pink accents. Hot pink grille, hot pink side vents, hot pink trim. You heard me- matte black with hot pink accents, and the photos are perfectly color corrected. When I saw this, I wanted to cry. And the sad this is, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if the interior was leopard or cheetah print.

And this, my friend, is a classic example of when customizing a car goes wrong. Wait, I can find two things that I like: The Hello Kitty Baseball Decal on the back window and the fact that the Escalade came from Long Island.

Give Snooki credit, at least she didn't piss away her millions like the Situation did.

Interesting Customization: A Convertible Cadillac Escalade EXT

Newport Convertible took a Cadillac Escalade EXT (the pickup truck one), and turned it into a Convertible. The end result...



At least it's on Forgiato wheels. I think their choice of wheels was the only smart decision in this project...

Oh No! How to Make A Nissan Juke Ugly By Impul

I noticed this hot mess on Car and Driver's site. Normally I'm all for customizations as well as anything that has to do with the Nissan Juke. HOWEVER, I do have one requirement: At the very least, make it look good. Case in point:

The person to blame is Kazuyoshi Hoshino. The man responsible for the Calsonic Nissan racers familiar to Gran Turismo aficionados worldwide, Hoshino also runs Impul, a tuning house specializing in Nissan products. While the actual power figures are unknown, Impul’s Juke package apparently includes a software upgrade for both the turbo and the we-don’t-get-it-here naturally aspirated 1.6. What is visible is an obnoxious wing, a grille where it looks like it was stolen for Hyundai, and a lower-body kit that presumably somehow improves downforce. The only thing that looks decent on this tragic vehicle is the wheels. The new 19 inch wheels are outfitted by 245/40 tires, which replaced the factory 17 inch wheels. Of course, the Asanti AF143's would have looked better.

You know what? Let me finish my rant and raving about this. Rear spoilers do not look good on vehicles that are bigger, or in this case taller, than a full size car. It never looks good. I hate body kits on 75% of all vehicles anyway, so yes this falls in the 75 percentile. If you're going to customize a car, please do not jack, steal, borrow a grille from another car manufacturers, and not change it. You can see the H in the grille. I would have chose a better set of wheels to be honest. The only thing I liked is the Juke... when it was a factory vehicle, and the pinstriping that says Impul. Everything else? Fuhgeddaboudit (Forget about it in my native tongue).

Seriously, this is a boiling hot ass mess. Kazuyoshi Hoshino: I'mma need you to do better.